12 Not-Bad Non-Alcoholic Beers
You can find a good-tasting, alcohol-free brew from a handful of craft breweries—and a couple of the big beer brands.
There are quite a few old jokes about non-alcoholic beer. That one about listening to porn on the radio. Or the vibrator without batteries. Ugh. They only get worse. Fitting, because non-alcoholic beer is bad. Or is it?
For the longest time, non-alcoholic (NA) beer was pretty cruddy, because only cruddy breweries were making it. In other words, it was the big brands' lightest "lite" beer—the O'Doul's and Sharp's of the world. But many craft breweries are starting to finally produce non- and low-alcohol offerings, especially in Europe and particularly Germany, which has a long history of "alkoholfrei" products. If you can find these imports, they're worth taste-testing. Some of them come pretty damn near to near-beer.
Still, there's a scientific reason why NA beer isn't as good, no matter the effort a craft brewery puts into it.
What is non-alcoholic beer?
Believe it or not, non-beer begins its life as beer beer, before the alcohol content is stripped by heating it. But alcohol is a flavor itself, adding dryness and a boozy heat. Without it, you get many NA beers that are sweet and syrupy, with a cloying mouthfeel. Smartly, today's top NA producers have combated that flabby sugariness by adding bittering spices and plenty of hops. Still, all that effort may not be enough to get serious beer drinkers to try it.
Which non-alcoholic beers are worth drinking?
There are a few intriguing brands making NA beer, both abroad and here in the States. To be clear, NA beer does contain some alcohol, though it's generally less than 0.5% ABV. Whether you're pregnant, can't drink, won't drink, need to operate heavy machinery, or simply don't want a hangover tomorrow morning, here are 12 bottles of near-beer to try.
Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier Alkoholfrei
The oldest brewery in the world—it dates back to 1040!—had a lot of time to perfect its alkoholfrei product, which "feels" like real beer with a vibrant gold color and hazy heft to it. The beer likewise has the banana-y aromas that define a hefeweizen, as well as actual flavors: wheat, lemon, and hey, maybe even cloves. This one could actually trick a drinking pro who's already a few beers deep.
BrewDog Nanny State
The gimmick-meisters who once made the world's most alcoholic beer, the End of History, made this NA beer too. In fact, it's their response to the haters. Nanny State is surely the hoppiest near-beer around, with an unexpected punch of bitterness on the palate. It's for IPA lovers who like to keep their wits about them, all while letting the world know they're still mad Mayor Bloomberg took away Big Gulps.
Clausthaler Non-Alcoholic
Wouldja believe there's an entire non-alcoholic brewery? Back when America was arguing over "tastes great" and "less filling" lite beer, these Germans decided to shout back, "We won't getcha' drunk either!" Instead of most breweries, which simply remove the alcohol from an already-brewed beer, Clausthaler decided to see if it could stop fermentation before it turned into alcohol. It worked! And now you won't just be the boring guy not drinking at the party, you'll be the guy who has an incredibly boring anecdote about how his alcohol-free beer was made.
Athletic Brewing Co. Run Wild IPA
Athletic is one of the buzziest NA craft brewers to open up shop on this side of the Atlantic in the last couple of years, and it caters towards young professionals who don't want a buzz but might like a nice beer to drink in social settings. It also targets, as the name implies, athletic people. And it managed to make an NA IPA that's not bad at all (as well as a toasty NA stout, a lighter Mexican-style NA beer, and an NA golden ale). If nothing else, the variety in beer styles is nice, and all are fairly easy to hunt down online. —Esquire Editors
Mikkeller Drink'in the Sun/Drink'in the Snow
This Danish gypsy brewer produces such a wide variety of beer types it's perhaps not surprising it makes non-alcoholic beer too—in fact, it makes two of them. Drink'in the Sun is a summer wheat non-beer that is hazy, citrusy, and refreshing. Drink'in the Snow is winter-themed—darker, brewed with seasonal spices, and about as alcoholic as hot cocoa.
Paulaner Hefe-Weissbier Alkoholfrei
Marketed as a thirst-quencher, the famed Munich brauhaus claims its alkoholfrei product is "isotonic," containing electrolytes, nutrients, and minerals. OK, so it's probably not better for your post-workout hydration than a Gatorade, but it might be more fun to pour over your coach next time you win the Super Bowl.
VandeStreek Bier Playground Alcohol Vrij IPA
As one of the few NA IPAs on planet Earth, this Dutch craft beer offers prickly carbonation with a citrusy aroma. Hazy and golden, the body and mouthfeel remain somewhat buttery and overly malty, though still quite terrific for the style. (The NA style, not the IPA one.)
Kehrwieder ü.NN IPA Alkoholfrei
This state-of-the-art German Kreativbrauerei ("creative brewery") opened in Hamburg in 2015 with a name that looks like a hard-to-find street address. Though nearly 1,000 years younger than its country-mate Weihenstephaner, it nonetheless quickly figured out how to make a palatable non-alcoholic brew. IPAs are a bit of a rarity in Deutschland, but Kehrwider produces plenty—even those, like this one, that lack the ability to make you start dancing.
Kormoran 1 na 100
This ambitious Olsztyn craft brewery makes intriguing beers using locally farmed ingredients (like garlic and spelt!), and its near-beer is no different. The Polish pale ale uses rye malts and Citra hops to give it honest-to-god flavor. Unfiltered—another rarity in the NA world—it's hazy with a nice heft to it. At 1% ABV, it's also a "boozier" offering, but you'd have to polish off a whole six-pack quickly to get even a modicum of a buzz.
A. Le Coq Imperial Kvass
You might see a non-alcoholic beer in your corner store, but you probably won't see a kvass. The old world style—usually made per ancient method using dark rye bread with sugars, saps, fruit, and herbs—is rarely produced these days. That makes this Estonian NA kvass all the odder. Pitch black in color, the 0.5% ABV beer is straight liquidized bread that's been toasted until caramelized.
Heineken 0.0
Of course, the craft NA beer boom has bled into the big beer sector, where companies are either revamping their already-existing NA beers (like the new, artsy cans for O'Doul's, which is an Anheuser-Busch product) or coming out with new products altogether. Heineken tested out this alcohol-free beer in Europe, where NA beer is more often consumed, before bringing it to America earlier this year. It's not nearly as good as these other specialty beers, but it's not terrible, either. —Esquire Editors
Coors Non-Alcoholic
We suppose Americans should feel oddly jingoistic we aren't any good at producing non-alcoholic beer. Having said that, with much of the above hard to find anywhere but specialty stores, this will be your easiest stateside option for barley-packed sobriety. All in all, it's probably not much worse than Coors Light.
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