To the Woman Who Saw Herself in Carrie Bradshaw

It all seemed so glamorous and dreamy. The life of a creative, living her wildest dreams on her own terms, under the guise of an independent woman. In reality, she was a hopeless romantic who took too much shit from the man she cared about.

Surely, I’m not the only one who saw myself in Carrie Bradshaw. And if you can relate, this is my letter to you.

Carrie was fabulous; from her Monolo Blahnik’s to her life as a writer and all the lovers in between, it was hard not to want to be just like her.

Yet, while she did have moments of strength, wit and wisdom, there was also a lot left to be desired when it came to her love life.

Even though I was admittedly happy that she ended up with Big in the first and second movie, the truth is, she made a fool of herself way too many times in that relationship - and it’s time we say it like it really is.

Chasing after a man is never a good idea.

Pining over someone who isn’t pining over you is unattractive.

Committing yourself to someone who isn't committed to you is a recipe for pain.

Sorry Carrie, but it’s true.Even if like me, your heart sang a little at the thought that a man who never paid her enough attention was suddenly “carried” away and swept off his feet, the reality is this doesn’t happen when you’re not fully respecting yourself.

A man wants you to value and respect yourself. That’s how he learns how valuable and respectable you are.While we did see a glimpse of this self-respect from time to time, Carrie made herself eternally available to man who wasn't making himself available to her. And we don't need to follow in these footsteps (even if those feet are in fabulous shoes!).

Carrie, as fun, wild and free as she appeared to be, was actually a prisoner of her own heart. She was stuck in a loop and trapped by her desire to be validated - because let's be honest, it's always "validating" when a man who's totally hard to get, wants to be gotten by you.

Carrie, as evidently cool as she was, had a deep well of insecurities which she tried to relieve through the eyes of Big. And my plea is that we all see this clearly, and choose to "carrie" ourselves differently.

You and I, don't need to be validated by anyone but ourselves. If someone doesn't love us, too bad for them (and momentarily for us, but this will pass). Everything we desire from someone else, we have the power and duty to give to ourselves. We don't need to be with someone, though we do enjoy the partnership and company. We thrive on our own, which attracts us to like-minded thrivers - and when we finally pair with one, it's fireworks. Not because he finally chose us, but because, we chose ourselves.

Peace, love and seeing clearly,

Diana